TRAILER TALK
Unfiltered, uncensored, uncompromising trailer reactions from team EMPIRE
Beth Webb (News Editor): I’ve not seen much of Arnie’s work in recent years, but was a big fan of his videos during lockdown involving the mini pony and the donkey. I believe they’re called Whiskey and Lulu, and I hope they cameo here.
Ben Travis (Deputy Online Editor): Arnie’s always been someone who undercuts his own image. For a time he pivoted and was like, “I’m just going to do goofy comedies and family stuff.” This seems to blend both sides of Arnie, and good for him.
John Nugent (Reviews Editor): I’m probably still going to see it because I find him so entertaining to watch. I think he’s a proper movie star. I feel like that lifts whatever he’s in.
Beth: I feel like this is showing a sweetheart side to him that we haven’t seen in a long time. John: Old men killing men has become a real genre in the last 20 years, hasn’t it?
Beth: I would like to see more senior women killing men. I’d like to see the cast of 80 For Brady embark on a real bloody spree. I want to see Sally Field cracking skulls.
Joanna Moran (Photography Director): Helen Mirren has done a fair bit of that, hasn’t she?
John: I enjoyed that she was manning a chain gun in Red.
Beth: Is that a pickle?
Joanna: It looks like a dried sausage.
Beth: I guess there is a notable lack of pickle juice at the scene of the crime.
Ben: It’s like he’s picked something up at the deli on a European holiday. It could be tasty, but you don’t really know what it is and it’s probably best not to ask.
Beth: It sends a clear message: mess with Arnie and you get stabbed in the sausage.
Alex Godfrey (Features Editor): Maybe it’s all some leftovers from Planet Hollywood. I went to Planet Hollywood when it opened and he made a big deal out of the fact that his mum made the apple strudel there.
John: He’s got his mum doing a part-time job, at her age?
Beth: So they’re describing Arnie here as “the fastest 65-year-old white guy on the planet”. Do we concur?
Joanna: I don’t think he is. Because he’s a bulky fella, isn’t he? He’s not going to be that fast.
John: That was the whole point of Terminator 2, wasn’t it? He was the brawny one, and the T1000 was the speedy one. He’s the Austrian Oak! He’s a massive tree-trunk.
Joanna: I love that! I’ve never heard him called that before.
Beth: If he’s the Austrian Oak, I’m the Swindon Willow.
John: I’m the Hereford Bonsai.
Alex: We are 13 seconds into this trailer.
Beth: If you looked up “rad dad” in a dictionary, this would be the picture that accompanies it. I’m amazed he doesn’t have BBQ prong
