Wondering how to survive six months of no triathlon? Well, our intrepid columnist is here to help. From muddy backsides to pudding runs, here’s all you need to get though autumn and winter…
Words: Martyn Brunt Illustrations: Dan Seex
All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey, I got dropped on the bike, and I lost a 10k
As the last vestige of warmth leaves the sun’s rays and the muddy streak starts to appear up my backside from my mudguard-less rear wheel, it’s time to admit that the tri season is done for another year. Also, that once again I have narrowly failed to qualify for the Ironman World Championship, missing out by a mere two-and-a-half hours.
Still, no point crying over spilt energy gel; the campaign for world dominance in 2024 starts here. It’s time to beat the dried 2022 mud off my XC spikes with a mallet and search through the stolen Ikea bag under the stairs for my arm warmers, because time and triathlon wait for no man when it comes to making sure you make the most of the wet weeks ahead.
But what does a multi-talentless athlete like me do during the long nights and how can it inspire you to off-season greatness, I hear you ask..? Read on to find out my top tips for the ideal month-by-month winter schedule, complete with all the excuses you need for why you won’t win anything next year either…
OCTOBER Back in the gym
It’s been a long hard tri season and you really need to recover – so naturally you spend October doing trail marathons, duathlons, swimming galas and the odd cheeky 10k, because if you don’t your rivals will sneak up and beat you next season. All this is in addition to your annual return to the gym where you reacquaint yourself with stomach crunches, lateral pull-downs and other contortions of dubious benefit.
If, like me, you struggle to lift an overfilled drinks bottle, then there’s always circuit training or the spinning class to fall back on, although make sure you don’t wear your cycling gear to these… Not only does sweat corrode the fabric, but the big problem with Lycra is that the further you are from your bike the more ridiculous it looks.
However do remember to make sure you wear one of your best race finisher t-shirts of the year to the gym, partly so that people know they aren’t dealing with some amateur, and partly so that when you’re rubbish they’ll just assume you’re tired or resting.
NOVEM BER Turbos and trails
It had to happen, the weather has finally got too cold and the country lanes too covered in thorns and muddy farm dreck even for you, so I’m afraid it’s time to break out…
