RAINBOW WORLD
Sergey* on life as a closeted gay man and Russian propagandist in Moscow
I used to work in fashion and cinema PR, then I changed to state television. Right now, I’m making propaganda — content to support the Russian invasion of Ukraine, or the ‘special operation’, as Putin calls it.
I stand against the war, as do my friends and family. But I must — is that the right word? — work for the other side, that of evil. Recently, I had to do a presentation on why Ukraine is a Nazi country; that evening I shared news of Russian army crimes with loved ones.
I feel really, really bad, and absolutely exhausted. It’s hard to live with this feeling. But I could go to prison for 15 years for speaking out against the war. So, it’s about self-censorship, self-control. It’s important to understand that although it’s far more difficult for people in Ukraine, for Russians who oppose the war, it’s stressful as well.
I don’t know what I’m going to do, where to go, or what work I’d do. It’s hard to find a new job. I want to leave the country, but I was born in Moscow and still live here with my parents. I’m in my late 30s, they’re getting older; I worry I’d never see them again. I’m also single: it’s easier to make these decisions when you’re not alone. I have no money and, currently, no passport. Besides, we can’t use our Russian bank accounts abroad due to sanctions, which is a problem for those who have left.
A lot of my friends have gone — many of them are gay. Some have even moved to anti-LGBTQ+ countries like Georgia and Uzbekistan. Russian journalist and gay rights activist Anton Krasovsky stayed. He is one of our few public figures who is out, but he’s aggressively pro-war and has said cruel things about Ukraine.
I try to stay optimistic. The rumour here is the war’s going very badly for the Russian army, but I fear Putin and this regime will stay in power for years. We’re told that 80 per cent of Russians support the war. I don’t believe that figure but I do think it’s the majority. That’s why I don’t fear mass mobilisation, where we’re all enlisted as reservists. This idea is very unpopular; the government knows they’ll lose support.
As an LGBTQ+ person, I’m afraid, but I’m used to living with various risks. I’m secretive about my sexuality at work, and apply a ‘don’t ask, don��
