better health
Chronic, low-level stress and tiredness can lead to anxiety and depression
As we near the end of the summer holidays and prepare for the return to school and our regular routines, it’s likely many of us are feeling fatigued, stressed or anxious. While feelings of exhaustion are accepted as par for the course with family life, unchecked stress and tiredness can lead to burnout – something that’s said to be on the rise among parents.
Newly published survey data from Kalms has revealed that 63 per cent of parents feel stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed, to the point where they’re forced to seek help.
“Parental burnout is the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion that one feels from the chronic stress of parenting,” explains Selina Barker, life design and career coach, and author of Burnt Out: The Exhausted Person’s Six-step Guide To Thriving In A Fast-Paced World. “It’s the feeling that you simply can’t cope any more. It can manifest with emotional distancing from your child, increased irritability, and impatience. Some ‘BOPs’ – burnt-out parents – may experience of parents feel forgetfulness or increased feelings of anxiety and depression, and many question their ability to parent.”
63 per cent stressed and overwhelmed
The gender gap
The survey found that mothers are at greater risk of burnout than dads, with 68 per cent suffering compared to 59 per cent.
“Gender inequality is a very real issue at play in many heterosexual parenting couples,” says Selina. “Even when both parents work and share financial responsibilities, you will often find that the mother is still the primary caregiver. The weight of this mental load on top of a demanding job can be a big contributor to burnout among mothers. Never was this more apparent than during lockdown when much of the homeschooling fell to mothers, even when they were also trying to work from home.
“Women also have far greater expectations and pressures put upon them when it comes to parenting. There is a deep-rooted narrative in our society that being the ‘perfect mother’ requires self-sacrifice, leading to a strong unconscious resistance from mothers to prioritise their own wellbeing. Self-care can be confused for selfishness, when in fact it is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.”
According to Selina, there are four distinct parental burnout archetypes that BOPs fall into, and understanding yours could help to spot the signs earlier.
The over-doer
When you’re working at full capacity, the over-doer is a naturally resourceful and practical-minded person, who takes on the challenges of the day with comfort and enthusiasm. However, when heading towards burnout, you slip into overdrive and everything feels urgent. You become physically fatigued and mental
