real life
Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford’s split came as a shock when they announced it last month. The couple, who are both 64, had been together for 27 years, married for 14, and share a 22-year-old son. But they’re not alone – ‘grey divorce’ seems to be booming. Bella talks to two women who made the break in later life….
It was on her 25th wedding anniversary that Frances Alcock realised how far her marriage had declined. No part of her felt like celebrating the milestone – instead she felt only dread for the years ahead. For the next five years she struggled through, desperately hoping things might improve.
But by her 30th wedding anniversary she knew there was no hope left and she asked her husband for a divorce. Frances, now 65, explains, “I still loved him as the father of my children and I felt it was selfish to split up – I didn’t want to hurt him as he hadn’t done anything wrong as such, there was no infidelity.
“But we’d grown apart and had little in common. I was 55 and all I could think was I might live for another 30 years and I didn’t want to spend those years with him.”
Frances and Chris got married when she was 24 and their early years were fun. She remembers, “We had lots of friends, we both worked hard, and had lots of hobbies. But when we had children my priorities shifted away from Chris and I focused more on the boys. I grew and changed and I don’t feel Chris did. I felt as though I had three children.
“I loved it when it was just me and the boys. When he was out, I felt as though I was filling a bath tub with moments of joy, then he’d walk in and pull the plug out, so the joy drained away. We rowed a lot over trivial things and I didn’t feel we were giving the boys a good relationship model for their future.
“It might have been salvageable, with a lot of talk and help. But when I told him I was unhappy his response was, ‘Well tough because you’re stuck with me.’ That was my tipping point when I knew I couldn’t go on.”
But while she knew divorce was the right thing for her, she admits it was scary. Frances, who runs Opal funerals, says, “It’s a big leap to take, but I was financially independent, I felt strong and I knew I would be OK.”
Now 10 years on, Frances is indeed happier than ever, her business is thriving and last year she met a new man. She admits, “I didn’t need a man, but I thought it would be the cherry on the cake of my new life, and he adds joy. It’s wonderful. My new life is everything I’d hoped for.”
Divorce expert, Farhana Hussain, says Frances’s story is increasingly common – since 1990 the divorce rate for over 50s has doubled, with researchers expecting the figure to triple by 2030. Farhana says, “I’m
