Sandra Jacquens was determined to become a mum –despite the grey hair and hot flashes of middle age...
Holding baby Aisha in my arms, I was utterly overwhelmed with love. ‘All of my dreams have come true,’ I thought, as I kissed her beautiful face.
I knew there were more candles on my birthday cake than most newborn mums, that I was battling the hot flashes of menopause and had given up the fight with my grey hair.
But I’d overcome decades of infertility and the judgement of friends and strangers. At 51, my family was complete.
I’d always wanted to be a mum. My vision of adult life always included a baby.
So, at 28, I was devastated to discover I had premature ovarian failure.
‘What does my future hold now?’ I thought, sobbing into my thenpartner’s arms. I tried to hide my devastation from friends, who were already having their second or third kids. Behind the smile, my heart was breaking.
Then I remembered a colleague who read tarot cards. I’d always been scared of speaking to psychics before, in case I heard bad news.
But now I needed to know, would I ever have the children I dreamed of ?
Turning over the tarot cards, she paused. ‘It will take longer than you expect,’ she said. ‘But you will achieve your goals of a family.'
It was like a light at the end of a tunnel. When my relationship ended, I felt like I was back to square one, but I clung to that prediction.
Sixteen years later, aged 44, gazing down at my growing bump, it finally felt like my dream was in sight. I’d met a great guy who also wanted a child, and we’d taken the big leap to go for embryo donation.
That’s where a couple had a leftover embryo from their own fertility treatment. Rather than destroy it, they donated it to someone in need. It felt miraculous that strangers were helping me become amum at last.
Even at 44, there was judgement. I lost count of the number of raised eyebrows and remarks that ‘at your age it’s risky’. I shrugged it all off. I couldn’t wait to meet my daughter.
She was born in December 2016 and motherhood was everything I’d hoped for.
My age did, however, bring extra complications. How many mums are googling ‘pyjamas for hot flashes’ as they’re breastfeeding?
But I knew two things for certain. I adored being a mum, and my family wasn’t yet complete. Even when my relationship ended when she was 18 months old, I didn’t waver. The older she grew, the more determined I was to give her a sibling.
Afew months before my 50th birthday, I knew that time was running out. I didn’t want to wait and see if another partner came along. I’d have embryo transfer again, an
