best for REAL LIFE
Eva Chapman thought she had nothing to look forward to as she got older – but then she discovered dancing, and herself…
When our eyes met across the crowded canteen, we both smiled. Living in London with my two young children, I was 32, going through my second divorce and studying for a PhD in medical sociology at the Open University.
It was 1979 and Jake, then 34, was a long-haired, bearded professor. We married in 1983 and moved to Somerset, where we kept ourselves busy and happy raising our blended family, Jake had two kids from a previous relationship too. We spent decades running meditation retreats known as Enlightenment Intensives from our home, helping people find answers to life’s hardest questions.
Life was good. And then, in 1997 I turned 50, the menopause hit, and everything crumbled. I thought it was the end of the road. My days as an attractive, interesting and sexy woman were over. I believed Cher when she said: ‘Fifty sucks. Men don’t look at you anymore.’
I bought into all the societal messages that I was a has-been. I felt invisible and the future felt bleak. I started to eat and drink too much. I developed more chins. I became an apple shape as my middle expanded so I opted for loose, baggy tops.
While I was hiding away, annoyingly Jake seemed to get better looking with age. Turning grey suited him. I became obsessed with having a facelift. ‘I’ll leave if you do,’ said Jake. ‘Why would you want to cut up your beautiful face?’ I was so down on myself, I couldn’t hear his compliments.
My interest in sex dwindled. Desperate for a solution, I gobbled yam pills and a herb, ‘horny goat,’ to no avail. Germaine Greer said that in middle age, she was happy men didn’t look at her as a sexual object anymore, but instead appreciated her brain. I would have happily traded in my PhD for a wolf whistle.
Feeling sorry for myself, I barely noticed the 31-year-old woman sidle up to Jake at his 60th birthday party – until I returned from a trip to Australia to discover she and Jake had been speaking to each other regularly on the phone.
I pressed Jake, and he admitted he had a crush on her and was flattered by the attention. He was a man of honour, I knew I could trust him and that he’d never cheat on me, but it was still a devastating shock.
What could I do? Wake up, that’s what! I kicked myself up my backside.
I’d wallowed for too long, and it was no wonder Jake’s head was turned. It wasn’t because she was younger than me, it was because she was more joyful and had more energy. I was missing in action, but it was tim
