CLOSER NEWS REPORT
January has been dubbed ‘divorce month’ as reports show more couples separate or file for divorce during this time than any other month of the year. But there’s a rising trend in ‘soft divorces’. Closer talks to two women who’ve separated with a difference…
When Lorna Helps describes her living arrangement to people, it raises eyebrows. Despite divorcing in 2012, her ex-husband Andrew Watkinson, 49, still lives in the family home in Northumberland four days a week. And the couple have no plans to change the status quo – for them it’s the most successful way to parent their 15-year-old daughter.
It’s a twist on the concept of “nesting” – where separated parents alternate their time between the family home and a second property while the child stays in the one place – with Andrew, who works at a recycling plant, spending the majority of his time with his family. Lorna, 52, who runs a rainbow pottery painting business, explains, “It developed organically. When we first split up in 2012 after four years of marriage, I’d never have imagined this is where we’d be.”
GROWN APART
Lorna adds, “Our divorce wasn’t acrimonious as such – we’d grown apart and I struggled with feeling I carried the emotional burden of running a family. We argued about anything and everything from what we should be feeding Francesca to where we were going on holiday. I was exhausted and resentful and when counselling didn’t work, I called time.
“Initially we shared 50/50 custody. But then the pandemic struck and I was worried about whether Francesca would be able to go between two houses, so I invited Andrew to move back into the four-bedroom family home. I thought at the time it would be for a matter of weeks. “But it worked really well and when the immediate panic was over, we decided to carry on doing it part time. Francesca loves it, as it’s far easier for her, but it’s also nice for us, too. I like the support and having another adult around the house for company. It also helps financially, which is particularly important in the cost-of-living crisis. He probably saves me around £40 a week in dog-walking fees as he’ll do that while I’m at work, and I save money on petrol, as he’ll do the school run.
“We can split the bills and he and I both buy food. At the moment, we’re both happy and have no plans to change our arrangement – though who knows what the future might hold. Our friends and family were initially concerned, but they now acknowledge it works. It helps that we’re both single and don’t have to navigate how other partners feel – we’ll cross that hurdle when we come to it.”
ARRANGEMEN
