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When I messaged my exboyfriend, asking to appear in a national magazine together, I hadn’t seen him in three years. I’d spotted a tweet from Cosmopolitan asking for former couples to reunite for a regular feature, First Love. Even though some might think it’s a strange move, I knew Phil would be up for it – and true to form, he quickly replied ‘Why not!’ Phil was always looking for the next adventure, whereas I’m more of a risk analyser. We balanced one another out in that way during the two years we were together at university. That time was very up and down towards the end but, ultimately, we had been the best of friends, which was the saddest thing about our relationship ending.
On the day of our reunion, we bumped into one another at the train station on the way to the studio, then headed to the photo shoot together, before going to dinner. Phil had been living in Thailand, working as a teacher, so we hadn’t seen each other in a long time. Initially, things were a bit awkward, but any frostiness soon thawed as we posed for silly pictures – mainly thanks to Phil saying, ‘Let’s get it over with!’ We had a lot of fun but, of course, I had no idea how precious that day – and those photos – would come to be.
When the issue came out, I stood in the magazine aisle in Tesco and turned straight to our page. We’d both been asked how the relationship ended and our recollections were completely different. I messaged him asking why he’d not told the entire truth about the reason for our split.
It wasn’t an angry conversation though; we didn’t fall out and ended up laughing about it. I knew in person we’d started having the conversations we’d needed to. He returned to Thailand but during his next visit to the UK, towards the end of 2017, he came to visit me and my family in Stoke, where we all went for lunch together. Deep down, I know there was still love there from both sides.
It was 27 February 2018, five months after his visit, that Phil’s sister Natasha called me. I was at work and had to step outside to get signal as, at first, I couldn’t hear her. Phil had been killed in a motorcycle crash abroad. Once I heard the news, I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t drive myself home and had to get a colleague to help me.
Having remained close to his family, I helped to plan a memorial service for Phil in the UK (his funeral took place in Thailand) and chose the music that was played – Mac Miller, Florence And The Machine and Wiz Khalifa – based on so
