An investigation:
Let’s ask the (actual) experts...
Does ‘Wow, you looked so hot when I made you come’ sound familiar? I know I can’t be the only heterosexual or bisexual woman in the world who’s been told I just had an epic orgasm despite, well, not having one at all. Because here, friends, is the thing: unless you’ve specifically said the words ‘I just came’, a penis-having partner can’t be 100% sure you’ve climaxed during P-in-V sex. Like, sure, maybe they felt your leg quivering uncontrollably or sensed some vaginal pressure on their penis or heard your moans reach max volume – but these things do not necessarily always equal an orgasm. And the only person who can know for sure whether or not you’ve had a moment of total euphoria is... you.
8%
Only 8% of you are most likely to orgasm through vaginal penetration
So why all the assumptions and weird flexes? It’s likely because many people have been conditioned (a lot of the time by porn) to look for physical ‘signs’ that a woman has orgasmed – and as a result, they swear they can feel it. Like, physiologically, anatomically sense it.
This is how Brett, 40, thinks an orgasm feels – ‘It varies from woman to woman, but it feels like a tightening and relaxing around my penis in a pulsing action.’ Zach*, 30, agrees. And on top of the tightening sensation, he also notices a ‘change in wetness’.
Now, I’m not saying these guys are outright lying – it’s very possible they feel legitimate pulsing and wetness.
What I’m saying is that, again, detecting a few physical sensations does not mean that someone can assume – or worse, verbalise to you in a smug or humblebraggy way – that their work here is done. Experts who’ve researched this even harder than I have concur. ‘There’s no definite way for a woman’s partner to know if the woman has had an orgasm,’ says sex educator Janielle Bryan. And that’s because pleasure comes in a lot of shapes and sizes.
But is it ever possible?
When Hayden, 26, says he can sense ‘the tightening of the muscles throughout his partner’s body’, he’s probably talking about pelvic-floor and vaginal contractions, says naturopathic doctor and sexologist Jordin Wiggins. And it’s true that such contractions can be an element of orgasm for some women and people with vulvas, but it’s definitely not a guarantee. Contractions, pulses, quivers, an increase in lubrication – they can all happen at any point during sex and can mean a bunch of different things depending on how turned on you are. So it’s just wrong to automatically assume they simply mean that ‘they’ve finished’.
