Friendmas
How to make up with your former friend
Because it’s a weirdly delicate operation that there aren’t really rules for and no one knows how to do it very well…
A few years ago, I told my childhood BFF (let’s call her Lauren) not to come to my birthday party and it blew up our friendship. She’d been hard on me about a guy I had a crush on and I was fed up with her little digs. But two weeks after birthday-gate, I realised how much I missed her. She was my go-to gal for all adventures and we would laugh at the stupidest shit together. I texted Lauren to apologise but she never responded. We didn’t speak for three years.
Sad, right? But – twist! – this story has a happy ending: we recently ran into each other at a mutual friend’s wedding and, after cautious hellos, we made small talk over cocktails. A few drinks later, we found each other on the dance floor and got down to Whitney Houston. It took a few tearful hangs to really clear the air, but we did, and now we’re tighter than ever. So, here’s my vetted plan for your own friendship do-over. May it serve you well.
STEP 1
Ask: are they worth it? Heads up: if we’re being totally honest here, not all friendships should be saved. Were they supportive of your hopes and dreams? Or mostly self-absorbed? A solid rule of thumb is: if you really miss them – and they made you feel more good than bad – reach the eff out. Yes, even if they betrayed you in a big way. If the friendship seems bigger than the scenario that upset you, it could be worth saving.
STEP 2
Make the first move. Send th
