CHRISTMAS CALAMITIES
From the Aga that served up dinner at dawn to the Christmas tree that took a tumble… the Country Living team recollect their most memorable festive fails
The one when CHRISTMAS WAS CANCELLED
In November 2021, the Government announced that lockdown would be lifted for Christmas: up to three households were allowed to get together. So I planned to have my parents, sister and brother-in-law over for lunch. We’d cook the turkey, Mum and Dad would bring puddings and my sister the wine. Then, just before the big day, Boris announced that everyone in the South East had to stay at home. Plan B was a doorstep delivery, leaving puds and presents outside. Mum had a back-up turkey crown at home, and all three households joined on Zoom for games and gifts. Our turkey – cooked every which way – lasted well into the next week…
The one with the AGA SAGA
The first Christmas with our new Aga, I took a friend’s advice and slipped the turkey into the bottom oven late on Christmas Eve. Our meat was cooked through by 7am on Christmas morning – and by lunchtime, it fell apart completely when we carved it. My grandmother – who since having a stroke couldn’t hide her feelings – announced to the table that hers was “dry and disgusting”. The rest of the family smothered their meal in gravy and swallowed it down. Grandma was right, of course.
The one with the SMELLY TREE
One year, my parents heard someone was selling Christmas trees for a steal at Bradford fish market. I remember us all piling into the car to bring back a regal tree with luxurious needles. Unfortunately, the tree also had a distinct odour of fish. For two weeks, it sat in the corner of our living room. Numerous wood fires and sprays of perfume failed to get rid of the smell. It was a very fishy Christmas.
The one when MUTLEY ATE THE TURKEY
Growing up, our springer spaniel Mutley was a lovable liability. Memorable incidents include him chasing our neighbours’ guinea pigs and slipping his lead and sprinting into Sainsbury’s. One year, he truly earnt a place on Father Christmas’s Naughty List… After not being able to track him down anywhere, I walked into the kitchen to find him chowing down on the turkey crown that had been resting on the kitchen counter. Luckily, my sister was happy to share her veggie Wellington. Neither he, nor we, seemed to learn from our mistake, though, as the following year Mutley did exactly the same thing…
The one when the LOBSTER LET US DOWN
I’m a keen cook, but the added pressure of pleasing guests at Christmas has resulted in a few fraught festive gatherings. One year, I went all out and bought some lobsters to turn into a mousse as a starter. In scaling down the recipe, I miscalculated how much leaf gelatine I needed and ended up with a dense jelly. It was
