FT’s overworked emergency room deals with the painful consequences of festive season sexual shenanigans and ill-advised eating choices
SNAP!
In a study published in the British Journal of Urology, Dr Nikolaos Pyrgides from the Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich reported that the Christmas period is associated with a significantly increased risk of penile fractures. These occur when the erectile tissue of the penis snaps, usually because of forceful bending during overenthusiastic sexual intercourse. When this happens, there is an audible crack and immediate detumescence, then severe pain, swelling and bruising. “When [patients] present to their doctor their penis often looks like an eggplant,” Pyrgides said, adding that “This injury tends to occur during wild sex – particularly in positions where you’re not in direct eye contact [with your partner], such as the reverse cowgirl.” He also concluded that “Most penile fractures occur in unconventional scenarios, such as during extramarital affairs or when sex is performed in unusual locations.”
Pyrgides made his discovery by analysing the hospital data for 3,421 men who suffered penile fractures in Germany between 2005 and 2021, finding that “if every day was like Christmas, 43% more penile fractures would have occurred in Germany from 2005 on”. He also found that the risk increased at weekends and over the summer holidays, but not on New Year’s Eve. “It would be interesting to see data from other countries, but in Germany, Christmas week is widely celebrated, while New Year’s Eve tends to be a bit quieter,” Pyrgides said. theguardian.com, 20 Dec 2023.
WINDY CITY
Also tying their medical research to the coattails of Christmas were a team from Texas Tech University, who had been investigating retrograde cricopharyngeus dysfunction (R-CPD), also known as “no burp syndrome”. This happens when the cricopharangeal muscle at the bottom of the throat is unable to relax to let gas escape from the stomach. Sufferers experience symptoms that include loud gurgling noises from the neck and chest, bloating, stomach-ache and excessive flatulence, all of which are increased by the indulgences of Christmas. The Texas team found that the “socially awkward gurgling noises” and flatulence embarrassed sufferers at Christmas parties and left them depressed and anxious. They highlighted that botox injections relieved the symptoms and said that more
