FourFourTwo’s Ed McCambridgegives his bold predictions for the year ahead
OPINION
GERMANY TO STINK OUT THEIR OWN EUROS
Remember when Germany were good? Of course you do, it pretty much seemed like it lasted forever. In their annoyingly illustrious history, the Nationalmannschaft have won four World Cups and three Euros, appearing in seven other finals and reducing England to tears (literally in Gazza’s case) many times during those glory days.
Which makes Germany’s current plight all the more bizarre. They’ve been absolutely scheisse across the past three tournaments, going out in the group stages of Russia 2018 and Qatar 2022, and losing to England in the last 16 of Euro 2020.
During this pitiful run they’ve changed their coach twice – Jogi Low making way for Hansi Flick in 2021, before the latter was replaced by Julian Nagelsmann last September – yet the rot goes on. In 2023 alone, Germany lost against Belgium, Poland, Colombia, Japan, Turkey and Austria. They drew with Mexico and a war-torn Ukraine. Apart from one victory over France, their only wins came against Peru and USA – hardly powerhouses.
Just as well then, that they’re preparing to throw open their doors to the rest of the continent this summer. If the 2006 World Cup is anything to go by, Euro 2024 should be phenomenal, with full stadiums, great atmospheres and stress-free travel. Yet, for many Germans, humiliation in their own backyard is becoming a real concern.
As an England fan who lives in Berlin and has had to put up with far too much banter over the past seven years, it’s actually quite refreshing. Anyone know what the German is for schadenfreude?
GARETH SOUTHGATE 2.0
I can just see it now: England reach the final of Euro 2024 – not a goal conceded along the way – before a penalty shootout defeat to France. Outraged by Gareth Southgate’s obvious cluelessness, England fans celebrate the manager’s decision to step down in late July. “Finally,” they’ll rejoice. “Let’s bring in a manager who’ll take the handbrake off and stop squandering this generation.” Three days later, the FA announce Sean Dyche. In Norfolk, Ashley Barnes’ phone starts to ring...
MONEY FOR NOTHING
Manchester United and Chelsea splashed a combined £625m on players last summer. Among the signings were Moises Caicedo (£115m), Rasmus Hojlund (£72m) and Romeo Lavia (£58m) – none of whom shone during the first half of the campaign. With Christmas approaching, the Blues were 10th in the
