POLLY VERNON
COLUMNIST OF THE YEAR
SO BUMBLE, THE dating app founded on a USP that only women users could make the first move, you know: as a way of challenging the longstanding gendered expectation that only men make moves, while ladies wait around to be moved upon – has decided to… not do that any more. An update called Opening Moves means men can now start conversations too. In a press release, Bumble CEO Lidiane Jones explained this change was not about undermining the original premise, but about recognising female empowerment isn’t ‘only about control, it’s also about agency’, by which, I assume she means: the agency to park your agency, let the dudes do the heavy lifting on the opening graft?
But I’m being unnecessarily snidey, here. Partly cos I’m not on the apps; what right do I have to judge them? Mostly because, if I’m brutally honest about my so-calledfeminist-self, if I contemplate my own romantic history with any kind of rigour: I have never once made the first move. On anyone. Ever. Oh, but it’s worse than that! I’ve actively liked being moved on! Loved it! Being pursued! Being coy, being elusive, fluttering my metaphorical fan; being courted, being chased, making free with the fake-shock when I’m propositioned! Holding people at arm’s length, even if I’d rather they were closer than that, never being the first to ask for a date, lean in for a kiss – even just message. Always made sure that – when I did finally message back a ‘prospect’ – my responses were briefer, more opaque re the nature of any romantic regard I might harbour. None of which I’d say is about my ‘agency’, a lot more about me complying with ancient societal ideals while also loving how good I am at this game. Because I am good.
But here’s another thing. I’m not sure anyone’s truly, righteously feminist where first moves are concern
