SESSION SHENANIGANS
The studio guitarist’s guide to happiness and personal fulfilment, as related by our resident session ace. This month: "I Heard You On The Wireless”
One fine summer’s night I arrive in London’s delightful West End, unfashionably early. My prior engagement in Hampstead has provided more than ample time to drive and then park adjacent to my place of employment. And free, to boot. For legal reasons, I’m not at liberty to disclose the name of the organisation in question but their initials are BBC. I have taken care to present myself with the bare minimum of accoutrements - one beautiful Collings semi-acoustic guitar, one volume pedal, one guitar tuner, two jack cables and my featherweight DV Mark amp. And so the time-honoured ritual begins. I am directed to the entrance marked ‘Radio London’, a thinly disguised euphemism for ‘Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here’. They’ve never heard of me. I explain that I’m here to accompany semi-legendary arranger-composer John Altman at the conclusion of his interview with the fragrant Carrie Grant on her 10pm show. After a series of telephone calls which escalate progressively until the matter is resolved to no-one’s total satisfaction, my story is confirmed. However, access via a pass is denied. I’m too early and am sent on my merry way, politely but emphatically.
I mingle with the sea of humanity crowding the metropolis before seeking refuge in a Thai-style fusion restaurant. I kill an hour by consuming an under-nourishing but overpriced repast and reappear at Broadcasting House. I note the day’s lead story, displayed on the giant screen in the vast glass and chrome reception area. A BBC presenter is in a spot of bother and speculation as to their identity is rife. I reflect on the irony as I stand in the very eye of the hurricane. However, my second attempt to storm the ramparts of radio meets with somewhat more success.
A pleasant young lady descends from on high to greet me. I complete a minimum of paperwork in a mere 15 minutes, my equipment is searched with commendable attention to detail, and a security pass is issued, reluctantly, and with the admonition “We want this back when you leave”. We proceed to the lift. My new friend (quite possibly a future Director General of the aforementioned establishment) even carries my amp. I’m shown to another holding area where I await further developments, with the aid of a complementary cup of tea. And there I sits and waits while guests booked for the previous show drift in - and then out - in random fashion. John Altman appears sim
