As someone who has been a social worker, mother, wife and divorcee I have been around the block a few times. I’m humbled to answer your questions and feel that if a problem can be shared it can be halved – at the very least.
Celebrity agony aunt Helen Lederer gives you her heartfelt advice every week
Congratulations on your anniversary. This is a significant milestone and should be a cause for celebration.
I so understand your disappointment – not only with your family, but also your husband. Clearly the day was meaningful to you, and may have prompted a reflection on the years you have spent with your husband, as well as the significance of bringing up four heathy children. No mean feat!
It sounds as if you still play an active role in their lives, so it may be even more baffling that they missed the occasion.
One child knew and yes, their reaction seems rather low key – like your husband. Maybe they are similar characters?
But wait. Did you tell the others about it? Did you suggest a gathering, say how important a ruby wedding is, bring out photos, or suggest a restaurant you’d like to go to? Or did you wait for them to do the secret planning on your behalf?
All adults have busy lives. It’s no excuse for not marking your anniversary but it may be that they just didn’t think of you as needing something from them.
I am not saying this is the case, and it is very upsetting to feel that all those close to you have ignored an important occasion. You may have felt undervalued, even stupid for minding.
Try to avoid this way of thinking. You can’t put the clock back. What you can do is focus on you, so the resentment can stop seeping into your daily life.
In the best way possible, it may be that you have spoiled them with your attentive parenting, and it simply hasn’t occurred to them to give back to you – in their eyes, you still provide for them!
This is not a criticism. They
