Our columnist explores the shadow side of specialness and how to feel worthy
In the shadows
We all like to feel special, whether it’s down to personal achievements we’ve worked hard for, or recognition for an act of kindness we have performed. However, when we begin to believe we are more special, more gifted or more important than others, it can cross a line into the ‘shadow’ side of specialness. A place that is less about humility, and more about the ego.
This type of specialness is commonly seen in politics and amongst the uber wealthy, it can manifest as an unusual belief in one’s own greatness, delusions of grandeur or self-importance. However, it is also rife in social media circles. Instagram is awash with so-called gurus who blow their own trumpet and bathe in the glory of their own achievements, creating an elitism and separation from their followers.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with recognising and celebrating our achievements, but there is often a one-upmanship about it, a feeling of ‘look how special I am’. A promise that if you do all the work, just like me, then you could maybe one day be special, too. This is the shadow; and it often hides an underlying insecurity and lack of awareness. It feels devoid of the real humility that comes through learned experience and the ability that comes through learning from life. There is often an attempt at feigned humility. To the person on the receiving end there is a feeling that this person is superior to or better than them (depending on their conditioning), or there is a sense of mistrust.
One of the main problems with specialness, as I see it, is it rarely sees outside of its own need for selfhood. Often masquerading as worthiness, doing good and being of service to other; more often than not there is a sense of self-serving, a belief that they are exquisite, unique and a narcissistic self-interest. There is a domineering energy, a sense of authority over another which does not seek to empower the other whil
