“beggars can’t be choosers when you’re starving, cold and slowly dying”

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SONS OF THE FOREST is just Escape to the Country with cannibals

TOP: He hungry. You food.

I ’m nothing if not a perfectionist: I travel for days in Minecraft to find the right spot to lay down foundations for a house, and figuring out where my base will stand in Subnautica is infinitely more stressful than dealing with the Ghost Leviathan. So when I crash-landed on the peninsula in Sons of the Forest with a few of my friends, I knew agreeing on somewhere to build our settlement would be tricky.

There’s a lot to think about before picking a prime real estate location in a survival game. Are you close to water? Is there enough protection from the harsh environment? Where are the boundaries between warring cannibal tribes? You know, the usual big questions for first-time buyers.

After weighing up all of these queries my group and I decided to locate close to a river in a natural clearing.

All was going well – we sent Kelvin off to deforest the local woodland, and I started building a modest hut that would see us through the night. But darkness fell all too quickly, and with only one medium-sized wall and a campfire that Kelvin had made away from the site, we were sitting ducks.

It didn’t take long for the cannibals to arrive. First, there were only a couple of bloody shadows that hung back in the bushes, but soon more came in search of a midnight snack, and, in trying to get to us, they obliterated our humble home.

Cannibals attacked from every side as we threw logs as defence and desperately tried to tell Kelvin that he could not lie down and rest in the middle of a pitched battle. In the end, we abandoned our campsite and floated around in the river until the cannibals lost interest and retreated back into the woods.

But b

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