If you’re planning a family gathering, this sage advice from Tanmeet Sethi will help you create a peaceful atmosphere this Christmas.
WORDS: TANMEET SETHI. IMAGES: SHUTTERSTOCK. IMAGE OF TANMEET: SHANNON KOSHAR.
Are you planning a family gathering and noticing your hands sweat and heart race, even just writing the grocery list? Are you on edge or irritable when you should be feeling holiday cheer? Aaaah, family! Say it slow and take a big exhale. Because it’s that big.
Family is a big package, and sometimes the ribbons come undone. Especially if you haven’t gathered for years due to the pandemic or if you disagree on the burning topics of the world today.
Family life is also messy, like life in general. But this year, instead of thinking you need to merely get through it, you can learn some practical ways to prepare for and navigate the gathering to make it less stressful. And who knows, you might even have some fun!
1 ESTABLISH A BOUNDARY
Your brain dislikes uncertainty. When you don’t know what will happen, it causes a threat response in your body. A boundary is a way to give yourself some ease. “Being transparent might feel scary but once you’ve done it, that clarity increases your energy and resolve simply because you’ve declared, and decided, what you need,” says Brenda Winkle, Energy Healer and host of Your YES Filled Life podcast (brendawinkle.com).
If your cousin Harry drinks too much and gets even feistier about his political views, then maybe it’s time to declare a new tradition of peppermint mocktails that the entire family can enjoy. Your mother insists on criticising your decision to “take a short cut” and order some of the food? Maybe this year you ask everyone to bring a dish, and declare openly that you want less stress around this responsibility in your busy schedule.
2 LEVEL UP YOUR SELF-CARE
Stress equals threat to your brain, putting you on vigilant watch. Those spinning thoughts and butterflies in your stomach are the stress wreaking havoc on your mind and body. Plan on some self-care before, and even after, the event to settle your nervous system. You know yourself best: maybe a run or relaxing bath – it needn’t be fancy.
Just remember, the more anxious you are beforehand, the more revved up your physiology will be – and then it is even harder to wind down. You are not broken or wrong to feel anxious. By acknowledging this reality, you can plan on ways to give yourself ease. And after the event, plan (mark you
