Gathering family together for a festive meal is a tradition loved by many. But what if a big celebration fills you with more dread than cheer? Maybe you want to drop out and do something totally different this December. Angela Kennedy asks the unthinkable: what if you don’t want to spend Christmas with your family?
WORDS: ANGELA KENNEDY. IMAGES: SHUTTERSTOCK. ⋆According to the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-frombacp/2021/16-december-coping-with-family-pressures-and-expectations-in-the-run-up-to-christmas/
The Big Debate
Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, or at least that’s the tinsel-topped dream we’ve all been sold. It’s certainly a seductive one, filled with perfectly-wrapped presents, smiling faces, crackling log fires, clinking Champagne glasses, and trees wreathed in dazzling fairy lights. All set to the soundtrack of melodious carols.
At the heart of the celebrations is a merry mid-winter feast of family togetherness, with turkey cooked to perfection and everyone laughing and getting along beautifully. Except these jolly images of the perfect Christmas can be nothing more than social media snapshots of unreality, piling on pressure along with feelings of failure if you don’t live up to the hype. It’s enough to send your stress levels soaring. No wonder nearly one-in-four people say they feel anxious or stressed about Christmas because of pressure to make sure everyone enjoys it*. But what if you’re not enjoying yourself?
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME
It’s difficult to say no because the biggest Christmas taboo is not wanting to see your family. But perhaps you’d like a break from trying to keep everyone happy. Maybe you’re too tired to host the culinary onslaught that is Christmas dinner. Or you’re fed up of having to referee the inevitable post-drinks disagreements. Would you skip the festive gathering for the sake of your sanity, or is that just selfish?
‘Prioritising your mental wellbeing certainly isn’t selfish,’ says positive psychologist Dr Mahrukh Khwaja (mind-ninja.co.uk). ‘But open communication with family is key so they can understand your perspective. You could schedule a date in the new year for a meet-up, so you can catch up with relatives on your own terms.’
Of course, Christmas is known as a magical time for good reason because a harmonious family gathering can be a highlight of the year, offering a welcome mental boost.
‘Your brain is wired to connect with others. Positive relationships are the cornerstone
