While most relationship taboos have been consigned to the dustbin, dating a younger man still sparks disapproval. As Valentine’s Day approaches, Angela Kennedy asks, could you – or should you – find love with a younger man?
WORDS: ANGELA KENNEDY. IMAGES: SHUTTERSTOCK.
The Big Debate
Cougar. Cradle-snatcher. These are just some of the derogatory terms thrown at women who date a younger man. Of course, these sentiments are dripping in double-standards as men who date younger women are usually congratulated, not condemned. It’s plain, old-fashioned sexism to label a woman a predator on the prowl for daring to date younger. To clarify, we’re not talking about a Mrs Robinson scenario of deceit or extreme power imbalance. This is about a healthy relationship between two adults – where the woman happens to be older. Shocker!
‘The idea of an older woman/younger man relationship being taboo is about not wanting women to embrace and enjoy their sexuality,’ says dating coach Eimear Draper, founder of Kindling Dating (kindlingdating.com), which empowers singles to be confident daters. ‘You can be an old soul or you can be young at heart, so it’s not dependent on age but on mindset.’
Thankfully the tide is turning, with a recent US survey finding 81 per cent of women open to dating 10 years younger, plus nearly 90 per cent of men interested in dating someone 10 years older. In a 2011 UK study, the number of women married to or living with a man at least five years younger has almost tripled since the 70s.
‘More mature women are being approached by younger men,’ says Eimear. ‘I think younger men find older women attractive as they are much more assured in themselves, comfortable in their skin and embracing life, rather than concerned about what people think or seeking approval and validation, as so many of us did when we were younger.’
TREND SETTERS
Of course, celebrities are ahead of the trend, with Platinum’s December cover star, Joan Collins, blissfully married to a man more than 30 years her junior since 2002. Pop icon, Cher, 77, is reportedly in a long-term relationship with a music producer, aged 37. Supermodel Heidi Klum, 50, is married to a musician who is 16 years her junior. And Mariah Carey, 54, has been dating a choreographer, 40, for about seven years. Although these may seem like extreme examples, the shift away from traditional relationship structures is also reflected within non-celeb society, with women no longer needing an older male provider. Mature women are more self-suf
