Master awkward conversations with these nine tricky personality types
BY Rosemary Counter
WHILE MAKING POLITE small talk at a baby shower, my day was quickly ruined. “Ooh, are you expecting?!” asked a family friend, looking me up and down. I sheepishly shook my head, instantly regretting both my party dress and my plate of mini-sandwiches. Then, just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, it did: “Well,” she asked, “why not?”.
My mind flooded with reasons and retorts—“just fat, thanks,” deep-rooted doubts about my maternal capabilities, fear of climate change, or perhaps a well-deserved expletive—but, sadly, none materialised. Instead I murmured that I was busy with work and excused myself to mope for the rest of the afternoon.
I’ve since recovered emotionally, but I sometimes wonder: what should I have said to a nosy question from a rude person? And how about all those other challenging personalities we have to talk to, whether we want to or not? So I asked experts about how to deal with the trickiest, tackiest, meanest and most maddening personalities.
THE COMPLAINER
You know the type: this restaurant’s too pricey, the music’s too loud, their burger is overdone and they can hardly taste it anyhow because they’re coming down with something. People who whine are great fodder for comedians. But in real life, the Complainer isn’t so funny.
“This is a person who thinks life is unfair to them,” says Jody Carrington, a psychologist and author of Feeling Seen: Reconnecting in a Disconnected World in Alberta. Nobody is that bummed out by a burger; they’re down about other, bigger things and are taking it out on specific, controllable things, like what’s on their plate (not to mention the unfortunate server who delivered it).
How should you deal with this good-mood thief? “If you want to interact better with these people, it starts with empathy,” says Carrington (this is true for all tricky personalities, but especially for a Complainer). Start by removing the small stuff from the equation—maybe let them choose the restaurant—so you can both focus on the big picture. Get them to talk about what’s really bothering them and challenge their negativity with questions about what’s good, fun and exciting in their lives.
Like the old adage goes, says Carrington: “You’ve gotta kill ’em with kindness and hope it rubs off.”
THE CONTRARIAN
You say it’s a nice day; they say it’s too hot
