It might just save your relationship
AS A KID, I remember Christmas morning at my parents’ house always being chaotic. Before 20-odd relatives would arrive for lunch, there’d be frenzied cooking, cleaning, and rushing about—will there be enough food? Is so-and-so bringing their partner?
Like many families, mine were doing their best to navigate the expectations that come with the holidays. It’s supposed to be a time of joy and happiness; the most wonderful time of the year. Everything needs to be perfect. Everyone needs to get along.
Yet placing this kind of pressure on the festivities often only sets us up to fail. After all, has trying to manufacture happiness ever actually made anyone feel good? And it’s in no small part why Christmas is one of the most common times of year for couples to break up.
Ever felt panicked at the thought of bringing a partner home for the holidays? With the ideals around Christmas in the air, you may have looked at them a little more critically. You might have worried about how they’d be received—or asked yourself some tough questions about whether you see them as being part of your family.
As best put by a woman named Kate, who was interviewed in a piece by the website Stuff.co.nz: “Everything that was in the Christmas movies and ads only kind of highlighted what was missing in my life.”
Thoughts like these can be a good thing. They can bring pent-up feelings to the surface and, as in Kate’s case, help us realise that our relationship isn’t working. But they can also stir undue pressure and anxiety, creating heightened expectations for what a “good partner” should be.
In 2013, Time magazine reported that over the holidays, people believe their partners should demonstrate their love through clear, tangible acts. This could be giving a gift or making the effort to attend your friend’s Christmas party: as long as it’s enough to signal their commitment to your relationship.
And if the festive season is especially symbolic or important to you, you may also hold your partner to particular standards for how you want it to go. But if they missed
