Monica Karpinski
Q: My sister (42F) and I (46M) have drifted apart as adults and I miss the closeness we had when growing up. I’ve tried to get it back by spending more time with her, but it’s been hard for us to click or even to get along. We’ve had disagreements and hurt each other over the years and I fear we’re past the point of no return. Should I keep trying to patch things up or let it go?
A: Siblings are often the longest relationships we have—and they can also be the most complicated. There’s shared history and ups and downs over decades, all while you’re each going through a series of life changes.
It’s wonderful that you were close to your sister as children, and you should cherish those memories. But you are now decades older and are, essentially, different people. And rather than being lumped together under the same roof, now you need to choose to show up for each other.
So, if you want a good relationship as adults, you need a new start. This relies on whether you extend an olive branch and your sister accepts, and if you can have a healthy relationship as the people you are now.
It sounds like you want to make up with your sister. Reconnecting will be a gradual exercise of rebuilding trust, so take it slowly and gently. When you hang out, try not to react to her in an angry or defensive way.
