GUEST SPEAKER
RATHER THAN PUTTING PRESSURE ON HERSELF TO BE PRESENT IN EVERY MOMENT, ANNIE RIDOUT PREFERS A MORE LAID-BACK APPROACH
My mum was no helicopter parent. She was always present, but she also had us on a long leash. She wasn’t the kind of craft mum who set up masses of activities for us. Instead, we were left to find our own entertainment. We’d fill sandwich bags with soil from the garden and sell them to pretend customers for £1 each. As we got a bit older, we were allowed to go off to the playing fields alone, with whistles around our necks in case we got into trouble. Mum would be sunbathing in the garden, reading The Guardian.
Shoot forward a generation and I’m now raising my own children – my nine-year-old daughter and two sons, aged six and four – with a similarly long leash. We have a messy kitchen full of art materials that they can access whenever they like. I come downstairs after my morning shower and find them painting pieces of wood they’ve found outside, cutting up newspaper from the recycling and wasting a lot of a Sellotape making ‘sculptures’. They would probably love it if I set up craft activities for them, but it’s not my area of interest and I’ve got into the swing of letting them come up with their own ideas.
I jokingly refer to this as ‘lazy’ parenting but, in truth, I love the word ‘lazy’. In this fast-paced world, full of expectation about productivity levels, it feels like we need to reclaim it, and so I am. But I also believe this is a healthy way to parent. Instead of hovering over our children, instructing their play, we create a safe environment in which they can build imaginary worlds for – and among – themselves.
My daughter can now weigh out ingredients to make a cake, turn on the oven, safely pop the cake tin inside and set a timer. She likes the independence, and I like relaxing with a book while she gets on with it. She also takes her younger brothers downstairs at the weekend if we’ve had a late night, and together they make breakfast, then watch telly.
Perhaps if I’d worked outside the home, I’d have returned after a long day in an office and felt I ought to now get down on the floor and play with my children. Instead, because I work from home, there were often times when I’d sit cross-legged next to my daughter, writing an article on my laptop while she moulded balls of Play-Doh on the floor. Suffice to say, the children have become used to me being there but not fully engaging with them.
There is a huge amount of pressure on women to have full careers while also being perfect, present mothers who dote on their children. I’m grateful to have
