Miriam Margolyes
The actor reveals her regrets at coming out to her parents and why the Queen told her off
You recently turned 83. How did you celebrate?
With my partner of 54 years, Heather, at our house near Tuscany. I don’t drink and I’m not into cake, but we had a nice day with our cats Abu and Tilly, who we love, and I felt very pleased that I’ve lasted this long!
How are you enjoying your eighties?
I have spinal stenosis, osteoporosis and rheumatism. A year ago, I also had a TAVI [heart] operation. I have to have sticks, a walker and a mobility scooter. Being old is a nuisance, but I still have my energy and stamina and my marbles.
The amazing thing is I’m still getting work – I’ve just made a documentary about New Zealand.
As an only child growing up in Oxford, you were close to your parents. What were they like?
Mummy was a very clean person and would do her housework in the nude, which slightly embarrassed me and the au pairs. Daddy was a doctor who was busy at work, and I’m not sure he knew! Mummy was an exceptional woman.
Where did the acting come from?
Mummy wanted me to be the actor that she could not be. Jewish girls from the lower middle class did not become performers. So, she wasn’t able to do that, but I was.
When did you come out?
In my mid-twenties, I told my parents I’d had an affair with a woman and they were horrified.
My mother couldn’t bear it. It was like hearing that her daughter was a Nazi. It made Mummy so unhappy, and not long afterwards she had a stroke. I sometimes think we should be more caring of the people that we divulge things to about ourselves. I wish I’d kept it to myself. My friend Ian McKellen, who I was at Cambridge with, profoundly disagrees with me.
What’s your biggest regret?
This is something I should have put in the book but didn’t. After her stroke, Mummy was semi-paralysed, in a wheelchair and couldn’t speak. Daddy looked after her but once a week I’d bring all the shopping. I’d wash her and take care of her. I adored my mother, but in a moment of frustration and rage, because when you are looking after someone it’s hard, I hit her. It was the most wicked thing I have ever done and I will never forgive myself. The heart-rending part was as soon as I’d done it, I burst into tears and kept saying, ‘Mummy I’m sorry,’ and she just held me and forgave me. That’s how she was.
You’ve always said that your long relationship with Heather works because you live apart…
We want to live together now, because we haven’t got long left. She is 81 and I am 83. We don’t know yet how we are going to do that. Brexit ruined our life when it comes to living in Italy, so it really is a problem. But my life is made whole by the fact she is in it. Heather is magnificent, high
