Our Lives
After leaving my little boy disappointed, I made him a vow. Could I keep it?
As we stepped through the inviting gates and looked around, our mouths dropped open.
‘Wow!’ we gasped in amazement.
I’d taken my three-year-old son Jacob on the trip of a lifetime to Disneyland Paris, and we couldn’t have been more thrilled.
As we went through the turnstiles, Jacob buzzed with excitement.
‘Come on, Mum,’ he said. ‘Let’s go on this one!’
And he pulled my hand towards one of the rides.
But I took one look at it and felt a knot in my stomach.
At 17st and a size 22, I knew I wouldn’t squeeze into the seat and the safety bar certainly wouldn’t fasten across my tummy.
‘Er, why don’t we go on a different one?’ I said, taking Jacob’s hand and leading him away.
As we walked away, I saw his face fall.
‘We’ll come back another time, love. I promise,’ I said, as I squeezed his hand.
But I felt so awful.
This had been meant as a special trip for Jacob.
Just a year earlier, he’d been diagnosed with a rare form of dwarfism and, for me and my husband Chris, our world had fallen apart.
We’d vowed to make every moment with our little boy count and, as a treat, we’d booked this Disney break.
‘You’re the best mum ever,’
Jacob had told me.
But I didn’t feel it.
Being bigger wasn’t something new for me, though. In fact, I’d always battled with my weight.
As a child, I struggled to fit in school uniforms, and at age 10, my mum took me to WeightWatchers.
But there was nothing wrong with the food she cooked me, it was just that I ate too much and, as I grew older, it really got out of control.
I started eating sugary cereal for breakfast, then pasta, chips, and chocolate for lunch, and snacked on toast throughout the day.
I hated my appearance but I didn’t know what to do about it.
At 26, I started going out with Chris.
We had been childhood friends, so he knew my struggles, and he’d say: ‘I love you no matter what.’ But I was on a constant mission to lose weight.
I managed to lose two stone for our wedding and I felt amazing. But after I had Jacob, I found myself returning to my old ways.
Chris and I could see he wasn’t growing as he should and he had tests at Great Ormond Street Hospital.
It was a tortuous six-month wait while the doctors tried to find the problem and during that time, I coped with the stress by eating my feelings.
By the time Jacob was diagnosed, I was the biggest I’d ever been.
I knew it wasn’t healthy, but it took Jacob’s Disney disappointment for me to have a wake-up cal
