Stand by me

I WALK carefully, one foot in front of the other, and smile at everybody as I make my way slowly up the aisle.

I want to be sure to savour this day that I thought I would never see.

Rob and Geoff are waiting for me near the altar and, as they turn round to look, my heart leaps.

It’s been a long road, and at my worst I tried to bury myself away, never wanting to see anyone again.

I’d thought about finding a remote island to live on, that had no other inhabitants.

If such things existed any more, that was . . .

I haven’t always been like that.

I lived in a cul-de-sac growing up and all the kids played together.

I had so many friends, and we were in and out of each other’s houses and gardens all the time.

We rode our bikes, played chase, cricket or skipping.

We were a gang of 10 to 20 kids, but my best friends were the boys next door.

Rob was older than me and Geoff was my age and in the same class.

Until secondary school the three of us were inseparable.

From the age of eleven, it wasn’t quite so cool for me to be seen with boys, or for Rob and Geoff to be seen with me, so we skirted round each other in school.

But at home we were all still friends, until around the age of sixteen.

There came a gradual shift in our relationship, which meant it was Rob and I who were friends and Geoff was no longer welcome.

Rob and I went to the cinema and hung out at McDonalds while Geoff was deemed immature by both of us.

Rob left school and started an apprenticeship, which was great as he had money so we could go out.

We agreed that when I turned eighteen, I would start my dream job of nursing so that we could save for a house and a wedding.

We were in love.

I was delighted to be accepted at the local college for my course, and after a summer of temporary jobs, I started in the autumn.

I had to drive, as it was 20 miles away.

One day I was driving and didn’t see the ice.

All I remember was the tree coming towards me very fast, and I felt a tremendous jerk forwards and back that smashed my head on the seat rest.

I saw stars and sky, lights and blurry faces.

There was a long sound of droning, which I thought was in my head, and then hands touched me gently.

I thought I saw Geoff’s face, but that wasn’t right.

He hadn’t been in the car with me.

“Hurt . . .” I