BY CADY LANG
GOOD QUESTION
NEARLY ONE-THIRD OF SINGLES IN AMERICA HAVE HAD a consensually nonmonogamous relationship, but many singles are still committed to the concept of traditional sexual monogamy.
That’s the word from the survey informing the 2024 Match Singles in America report, but it’s also all over popular culture—in mainstream television shows, books, and media reports where consensual nonmonogamy is having a moment. Anthropologist Helen Fisher, Match’s chief science adviser, calls it an exciting development in consensual nonmonogamy, but is hardly new.
“There’s every reason to think that having sex outside of the pair bond has been quite common for millions of years,” Fisher tells TIME. “What’s actually extraordinary is that we bother to pair up at all, and indeed we do.”
According to the report, which was released in January and marked the first time Match asked about nonmonogamy, while 31% of singles in America have explored consensual non-monogamy (also known as ethical nonmonogamy), 49% of singles say that traditional sexual monogamy is still their “ideal sexual relationship.”
For the third of singles who reported trying it, consensual nonmonogamy covered a range: polyamory (where relationship partners agree that each may have a romantic relationship with other people); open relationships (a committed primary relationship that openly allows for romantic and/or sexual activity with others); swinging (expanding an exclusive romantic relationship to seek out other sexual partners together); and being monogamish (a committed relationship that allows for sexual variety with others, either together or individually).
FISHER SAYS THAT MONOGAMY is a carryover from early farming cultures, when couples were dependent on each other to farm, making pair bonding necessary, especially for women, who were forced to be dependent on men, the property owners.
She theorizes that the current interest in consensual nonmonogamy can be traced back to the mores of hunting-gathering societies, when women could express their sexuality because, as gatherers, they were as viable as male partners in contributing to the economy.
Fisher points to the contempo
