BY ANGELA HAUPT
TRUE FRIENDSHIPS CAN take years to develop—which isn’t exactly comforting to the 1 in 3 U.S. adults who say they are lonely right now. But you don’t need to wait for a new BFF to feel better. Small acts can help give you immediate relief from loneliness, experts say. We asked therapists what low-effort steps they take in their own lives when isolation starts to creep in.
Go people watching
When Samantha Bender, a social worker in El Paso, Texas, feels lonely, she heads to a local coffee shop where she can people watch while sipping on a saffron latte and reading the latest Stephen King novel. “Sometimes loneliness isn’t about our direct relationships,” she says, “but how we feel in relation to the world around us.” There’s so much going on in public spaces—new sounds, scents, and sights—that it grounds her in the present moment and distracts her from tinges of loneliness. “You can soak it all in and feel like you’re part of something without having to extend a lot of effort,” she says. “We don’t always have the mental energy and capacity to connect with others one-on-one.”
Join an easy group class
When Courtney Morgan, a therapist in Louisville, Ky., wants to be around like-minded people without having to try too hard, she goes to a yoga class. “Sometimes I want to feel connected without actively engaging in a conversation,” she says. She tells her clients to seek out structured programming they’re interested in too, whether it’s fitness-related, educational, or something artsy. During your class, aim to appear approachable, she suggests. Resist the urge to look at your phone. Make eye contact with people, smile, ask a stranger if you can sit next to them, and thank the instructor. All are small ways to feel better connected.
Send a voice text
Audrey Schoen, a marriage and family therapist in Granite Bay, Calif., loves communicating via voice message. When she meets someone new and exchanges contact info, she sends them an audio message instead of firing off a text. And when she feels lonely, she reaches out to friends in the same way—or replays old voice messages that she saved.
