IN THE CROSSHAIRS THIS MONTH…
FILM QUOTES POSE AS QUESTIONS. FILM STARS TRY TO COPE.
You talkin’ to me?
Yes, I am talking to you. I’m talking at you. I’m talking with you.
You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?
I am lucky [pause]. I should be dead. Not because I’ve battled a disease or anything that requires courage. But because I was a rowdy kid from Texas with imaginative friends, and we came up with the craziest stuff to do. When I think back on it, I absolutely 100% should be dead. Instead, I’m 52.
Do you have an ‘off’ switch?
Yes. I have an ‘off’ switch that works really well. My ‘on’ switch, however, there’s a short in it. You have to toggle the thing really well. But man, I can ‘off’ for any amount of time. It’s my preferred state.
Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?
Not only am I short for a Stormtrooper, I’m short for a KX unit in the Rogue One universe, and I require a pair of stilts fashioned by ILM with actual prosthetic legs. So prosthetic legs and ski boots, together. And that brings me to the proper 7ft 1in height that you need to be to be a KX unit.
How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain?
You just get campaign backers with special interests to support you, and they provide you with a script that’s pre-written. If you can’t read, for lack of brain, they’ll just pipe it into an earpiece. You don’t even have to get all the words right.
You talk the talk but can you walk the walk?
Yes, I do, although if my talking puts me in a position that I’m not comfortable walking in, I change my talk pretty fast. I will apologise. I will admit a mistake. I will abridge my speech, and edit it down to where I’m comfortable walking.
Can you fly this plane and land it?
It depends on your definition of ‘land’. It will be on the ground, absolutely. I, in my acting career, flew in Serenity. I flew some Star Wars ship, then a second Star Wars ship. And I flew one recently for Resident Alien. I’ve flown at least four spaceships, and crashed three. So I will land it. How many pieces? That I can’t say until the counting is done.
Why don’t you tell me the story of your life?
I won’t tell it because there are far more interesting stories. I’m a f***ing actor! It’s so boring. The stories I tell are more interesting than my own.
You ever have that feeling where you’re not sure if you’re awake or still dreaming?
I flew from Australia once, and went to go see Macbeth with Patrick Stewart the night I got back to New York City. I fell asleep and woke up in
