TOWN & COUNTRY

Kathy and Katie pay tribute to the Queen in her Platinum Jubilee year

KATHY LETTE

The comedian and author loves city life and has lived in London for over 30 years

I’m a Republican – at least, in Australia. It really is time we ‘colonials’ learnt to stand on our own two flip-flops. Even so, I can’t help loving the Queen.

My first close encounter of the royal kind was at an Aussie function. When the High Commissioner introduced me to the Queen, I cheekily explained how Australia has embraced inverted snobbery. ‘If you can trace yourself back to convict stock, that makes you Antipodean royalty,’ I said. She smiled, which I interpreted as encouragement. ‘As my descendants were transported on the first fleet, that makes me the crème de la crim! So, g’day,’ I winked, ‘from one aristocrat to another!’

The intake of breath from her flunkies was bordering on asthmatic. But the Queen saw the funny side as I was invited to Buck House for a soirée before her tour Down Under.

I decided to wear my suit that is patterned in cute little corgis, sporting diamanté-encrusted tiaras.

The queue to meet Her Maj snaked right down the staircase. But, after meeting and greeting 200 or so overawed guests, the poor Queen’s smile had frozen to her face in a polite rictus. It was then I rocked up before her. ‘I hope you like my suit,’ I said, ‘I wore it just for you. Although I’m slightly worried that one of your corgis might mate with my leg!’

Once again, there was the horrified gasp from onlookers. All eyes were on the Queen. Would I be sent to the Tower? Well, Lilibet let out a loud, delighted laugh.

Clearly it’s the Queen’s mix of humour and stoicism which means that even her cheekiest subjects have never chosen to come in from the reign. So, Happy Jubilee, Your Maj!

✢ Best Laid Plans by Kathy Lette (£16.99, Bantam Press) is out now. @KathyLette

KATIE FFORDE

The bestselling author lives in the Cotswolds and is a country girl at heart

I have always been a Royalist. I think they add hugely to everyone’s happiness and enjoyment, and when you think of the cost to us all individually, they are good value for money.

I’ve never had the pleasure of meet