Columnist
‘Fellas, it’s time to clean up your act’
Any woman who says she gets ‘high’ on housework has inhaled waaaayyy too much cleaning product. But sadly, my generation, who thought we were going to ‘Have It All’, have ended up ‘Doing It All’. I used to think that the ultimate proof of female superiority was the fact that women live longer than men. But I’ve now realised that’s just so typically male – leaving all the cleaning up to a woman!
Latest research reveals that women are still doing the majority of the chores and childcare. Apparently, giving a room a sweeping glance is the closest most men ever come to housework. Yep. It would seem that the enlistment of labour on a subsistence basis is now forbidden in Britain, except in one state – the holy state of matrimony.
The survey reports that women do 11 and a half hours of housework a week, twice as much as the average fella, who only does six. We gals also tackle the bulk of the most dreaded tasks, like loo cleaning and ironing. (Forget bulging biceps; the ‘Iron Man’ I crave is the one holding a laundry basket.)
When confronted about these Chore Wars, most blokes maintain that they’d like to help more around the house, only they can’t ‘multitask’. This, girls, is a biological cop-out. Can you imagine any man having any trouble multitasking at, say, an orgy?
The Spanish government is soon to distribute a free app that logs how much time each family member spends on domestic chores. The aim is to shame men into doing more around the house.
And surely it’s in men’s interest to keep wives happy? When a woman’s worked all day then staggered home to cook dinner, stack the dishwasher, sort the washing, find the lost sports kit etc, by the time she crawls into bed, the one thing she’s fantasising about is sleep. Then she feels the hand creeping across the sheets. This bloke who hasn’t spoken to you all day, or helped around the house, thinks you’re in the mood for love. You’re in the mood for hitting him over the head with the breadboard.
Perhaps therein lies the solution to the Chore Wars? Offering sexual reward
