In our experience
Three women found their special someone despite the obstacles
‘MICHAEL ACCEPTS ME FOR WHO I AM’
Helen Cooke, 53, lives in Windsor with her physiotherapist husband Michael and stepdaughter Rosie, 19.
I had surgery for a spinal tumour at just a few months old and have been a wheelchair user all my life. My parents encouraged me to be independent, and I grew up confident and resilient. But determined as I’ve been, I have experienced insecurities around dating. I remember watching friends meet their first boyfriends and thinking that might never happen for me.
In my 20s I started meeting other people with spinal cord injuries and many of them were married or had partners, usually able-bodied. I began to think that maybe I had built this up into more of a problem than it really was. I stopped thinking it was unlikely that I’d ever meet anyone, and started thinking that it just might be slightly more of a challenge, but far from impossible.
I started internet dating in 2005 when it was still quite new. However, I didn’t put that I was a wheelchair user on my profile because I was worried men might just screen me out straight away. I always told them before we met – and I did have a few online conversations that ended with them saying they didn’t want to meet me any more, which was tough to deal with. Internet dating can be quite brutal – it’s all about the visual.
For the next few years, I shifted my focus to work. In 2006, I set up MyPlus, now one of the UK’s leading authorities in disability recruitment, which led to me being named one of the Shaw Trust’s 100 most influential disabled people in the UK.
It was 2011 when I decided to give dating another go. I wanted someone genuine and kind, who would accept me for who I am. I matched with five people – Michael was the last. Previous dates had gushed about how ‘inspirational’ I was, but I’d think, ‘I’m just me!’ Michael understood that the last thing I was looking for was some kind of carer. The wheelchair wasn’t even a topic of conversation – we were just two people on a first date, and he made me laugh.
Talking was easy and we discovered so many shared interests. We both love live music, travel and wine, and we’re both big skiers. About six weeks into our relationship, I found a message written on a yogurt pot in the fridge: ‘I’m falling in love with Helen Cooke’. I was on top of the world. Everything I’d ever hoped of finding in someone, I’d found in Michael.
But it wasn’t all easy. Michael had had a tough time, having lost his wife to breast cancer 20 months earlier. He lived two hours away and had a young daughter, Rosie. However, everyone could see we made each other very happy.
