Columnist
‘Love may be blind, dates should not’
As Valentine’s Day is approaching, you might be wondering what kind of man to put on your romantic menu. As I’m named after a diary, it’s no surprise I’ve had many dates (not to mention entries, but I won’t go into that, ha ha!). So here are my top tips.
Love may be blind, dates should not be. I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should be given a free dog. You’d think that being set up by good friends would guarantee an arrow from Cupid’s quiver, but the worst thing is realising your friends don’t know you at all.
They’ll ask you for dinner and by the entrée, you’ll have discovered you’re incompatible. Your star sign is Aquarius. His? Utter ratbag. When a particularly egotistical blind date started monologuing about astrology, I replied tetchily my sign was ‘Do Not Disturb’.
I presumed I’d fare better with internet dating, as I could make my own selection. Eventually, after weeding out the mansplainers – is there anything worse than a bloke with chronic correctile dysfunction? – and blokes with secret love bunkers, I’d meet a Romeo for coffee.
We’d rendezvous in a public place – make that a rule so you don’t find yourself relying on the kindness of a passing serial killer. Then, if his opening gambit is along the lines of ‘Does this look infected to you?’ or ‘I’m not just a Druid, I also sell haemorrhoid cream’, excuse yourself to powder your nose – in another cafe.
A sure-fire time saver is to date a bloke from work. But never resort to your boss because he’ll invariably turn out to be married. This is called sleeping your way to the bottom. There’s only one reason a man sleeps with his secretary – he just loves a woman he can dictate to.
For me, it’s all about tongues – as in wordplay. Size counts too – size of vocabulary. And I’m not alone. Apparently, today’s single female is more desirous of a partner who’s grammatically rather than anatomically correct. Compelling research from Holland’s Tilburg University confirms that poor grammar and bad ‘speling’ are the ultimate female tur
