Modern life
Certainly not... manners cost nothing, says leading etiquette coach William Hanson
We live in a world where emojis convey more emotions than words, and LOL is a universal language of amusement, so it’s unsurprising that the art of modern manners finds itself in the midst of a quirky and unpredictable dance.
Every generation thinks the ones that follow are ruder and less courteous. It’s a belief that dates back hundreds of years and will continue forever. Are we getting ruder? Maybe. But what has definitely changed is how easily we can interact with others, giving rise to the opportunity to annoy, irk and offend.
Manners and etiquette are simply a series of conventions we follow to be nice, so we all rub along with others with little conflict. But whether it’s a passive-aggressive post, someone making a speakerphone call on the bus, or not knowing who we need to hold doors open for, etiquette has changed. And – spoiler alert – it will keep changing as society evolves.
Welcome to a potted guide to the sometimes comically chaotic realm of modern manners, where navigating British social conventions is like trying to find your way out of a virtual maze with a navigation system that occasionally suggests the scenic route. British people are notoriously less direct than our US or European counterparts, which means we often have a tendency to dance around rather than say what we mean.
How to decline an invitation
Regardless of how the invitation is sent (the post, Facebook, email, text), it must be replied to promptly – within a week, ideally. Not replying is the height of bad manners and makes the host feel unloved, and anxious about chasing you for a reply. Do not feel too bad if you can’t attend – not everyone can go to everything. Aside from very close friends, no reason needs to be given – and hosts would be rude to ask why you can’t go.
Interacting with waiters
The service industry has had a tougher time than most recently, but regardless of how business may be going, all waiting staff need to be acknowledged and thanked properly. When ordering or interacting with them, make proper eye contact – don’t just look vaguely in their direction. While you don’t need to say thank you every time they put something down, change the cutlery or pick something up, aim to thank them just over 50% of the time and then, at the end, thank them sincerely when leaving.
How to complain nicely
Is your chicken a bit pink? Is your chocolate bombe still frozen in the middle? You need to complain. First of all, don’t panic. Even though we’re British, we are allowed to complain – although we’ll feel wretched when we do. Remember, it’s no good to complain once you get back home if you didn’t give the restaurant a chance to deal with your issue there and then: consumer law won’t be on
