Columnist
‘Gentlemen don’t prefer blondes!’
It’s news set to turn blonde women grey. Apparently, gentlemen don’t prefer them. Results of a global survey reveal that 62% of billionaires marry women with brown hair. The fair-haired come in a poor second, with only just over a fifth of the world’s top billionaires marrying blondes. Research into dating habits has found that over half of UK men prefer a dark-haired partner.
This puts them way ahead of the blondes – as just over a quarter of men go for women with flaxen manes.
It’s gleeful news for brunettes, as we’ve endured more than our fair share of suffering. As a teenager, I was teased mercilessly by my carefree blonde surfie girlfriends with their hair-free legs. ‘Your thighs could be awarded National Park status!’ scoffed one. ‘The last time I saw anything that hairy, I was being chased by a herd of wildebeest in the Serengeti!’ jibed another.
Hair removal became an obsession. The reason blondes have more fun is that we brunettes are too busy waxing, shaving and Nair hair-removing. The brunette spiritual would be Nobody Knows the Stubble I’ve Seen. Constant removal is not just a chore, but incredibly painful.
The first time I went for a Brazilian wax, I sobbed and moaned… and that was just in the waiting room. Lying half naked, spread-eagled, as boiling-hot wax was agonisingly wrenched from a part of my body primarily reserved for giving birth, I couldn’t imagine a worse medieval torture.
Abandoning waxing, I haemorrhaged money trying every alternative. Lady shavers left me anaemic from blood loss; Hair-removal mitts were safer, but after frantically rubbing my calves for an hour, I was enveloped in a shroud of white dust. When the cloud cleared and I’d stopped choking, I peered down to see one leg looking drastically thinner than the other. Had I really sandpapered my thigh down to a pretzel? Friends suggested lasering. But who was I? Darth Vader?
But with wealthy men showing such a preference for brunettes, I suspect a fall in hair-bleach sales. Will eligible women be forced to prove they are genuine brunettes by stepping out in mohair stockings? Finally, brunettes will have more fun and blondes will be forc
