Agony aunt
‘Should I help my kids to get on the property ladder?’
Our relationships expert Anna Richardson will help solve your problems
QMy kids can’t get on the property ladder, and I feel my husband and I should sell the family home to help them get a deposit. My husband says we’ve worked hard and should be able to enjoy our home and opportunities to travel, rather than use our savings and equity on the children.
AOne of the first things you learn when you’re training to be a counsellor or therapist is to suspend your own judgement in the face of another’s problem. But now and again, a dilemma comes along that’s so triggering, it’s hard not to immediately shout out from the back of the class. This, for me, is one of those situations. So, indulge me for a moment.
I didn’t buy my first flat until I was 35, and that was thanks to my boyfriend’s wonderful grandmother, who left us enough money in her will for a deposit. I would have loved my parents to help me out financially, but as a separated couple on modest incomes, they couldn’t afford it.
Without question, my inability to buy a property when I was younger has affected my home ownership trajectory – and, in turn, my wealth. But guess what? I’ve turned out fine. And now that my mum and dad are in their late autumn years, I’m grateful I never had anything from them because I can see that they needed, and deserved, every penny they had to secure a safe retirement. You need to consider the financial health and happiness of three parties here: you, your husband and your kids. And everyone is going to have a different opinion.
It’s natural that you want to see your children secure in their own homes. I applaud you for that – particularly when you consider how difficult it is these days for younger people to take their first step on to the property ladder. In December 2023, the average UK house price stood at £285,000. If you compare that to the average UK salary of around £34,000, your kids might need eight times their salary to get the keys to their first home. Most providers simply aren’t offering mortgages at this level. And that’s where Bank of Mum and Dad comes in.
So, what’s the solution? As with all family dilemmas, communication is key. I would advise you and your husband to sit down with your kids and have an open and honest discussion about their financial situation, and any expectations they m
