When Amanda walked down the aisle, she was completely under the control of her abuser
I’ve spent years going over and over my relationship with Mihai in my head, questioning myself, and torturing myself with what ifs. What if I’d never befriended him in the first place? What if I’d refused a lift home that night? What if I’d been strong enough to go to the police sooner? But no amount of questioning every part of our relationship changes what he is and what he did to me.
I first met Mihai in August 2017, when he started working at the care home where I was a care coordinator. He was 30 – 10 years my senior but he was so friendly and made an effort to get to know me, always making conversation in the staff room. I still lived at home with my mum, Karen, then 46, and was quite shy with not very much confidence. Over the years, I’d struggled with depression, I didn’t have many friends and had never had a boyfriend, so it felt nice that someone was being so good to me. Mihai made me laugh and I found myself feeling more confident around him, making jokes back.
From Romania, he had a son from a previous relationship and he spoke so lovingly of him. He became a good friend, giving me lifts to and from work, and I really enjoyed his company.
Then one day in February 2018, Mihai was dropping me home, but instead, he stopped outside a hotel a few miles from where I lived.
I asked him why we’d stopped there and he smiled and told me to trust him. Perhaps I was naive, but Mihai was my friend and I had no reason not to, so I followed him inside, assuming that perhaps he was just staying there and he’d forgotten to mention it. I followed him to a hotel room, and within minutes of closing the door, the man I’d come to like and trust was forcing me to undress before pinning down my arms on the bed.
Shocked and withdrawn
Fear coursed through me and I begged him to stop, telling him over and over that I didn’t want this. But he just ignored me and raped me on the hotel bed, taking my virginity from me.
I was crying from the pain and from the shock, and afterwards, Mihai begged me not to tell anyone, reminding me that he had a son who needed him.
I nodded, overcome with fear and told him I just wanted to go home. He drove me back and when I briefly saw Mum, I muttered an apology for being later than usual. I told her I was tired and needed to go to bed.
At work the next day, Mihai acted like nothing had happened and I did my best to pre
