SUZIE HAYMAN AND SUSAN QUILLIAM CAN HELP
Should I use condoms?
Q I feel ready to start dating again after my husband passed away, so I’ve been swapping notes with a friend who’s spent the past five years single. She keeps telling me I need to be careful about sex, that I need to use protection against infection. But I’m not looking for lots of flings – I’m after a serious, committed relationship. So surely I don’t need to be careful?
SUSAN SAYS
A Avoiding sexual infection isn’t down to whether you have casual or serious sex. Yes, the more partners you have, the more chance of being infected. But even just one partner is risky because he may have slept with others, possibly unprotected. So take your friend’s advice. Insist on condoms until you’re both committed enough to have a sexual health check-up and then to sleep only with each other.
She won’t see me
Q Since my daughter married, our relationship has never been the same. At her wedding she said I always put her down after I made a totally neutral comment about her non-traditional dress. That was three years ago, and it’s been worse since. She and her husband spend time with his family and their friends rather than us. She ignores calls and texts, and has come to two family funerals, but no other family events. What can I do?
SUZIE SAYS
A If her husband was isolating her from all her friends and relatives I’d wonder about coercion. But it sounds to me as if the person who needs to think about how they treat others could be you. No matter that you thought your comment was neutral, it seems you upset her. If you wrote apologising for your remark, and asked if she felt it was one of many and if you could try to make up for past behaviour, you might get somewhere. Give it a go!
My dad has changed
Q My father has always been a bit blunt. But recently he’s become brutal – critical, aggressive and uncaring. The final straw for me was when he visited and drove my daughter to tears over his sneering comments on her clothes, appearance and general personality. My mum spent the whole time just looking embarrassed. I feel like
