SUZIE HAYMAN AND SUSAN QUILLIAM CAN HELP
Help! I’ve no idea how to have safe sex
Q I met my late husband when we were at school. We were each other’s only partners and once our daughters were born he had a vasectomy. So I’ve never used contraception. And now he’s passed, I’m meeting other possible partners so I’ve started taking the contraceptive pill. But, as a result, I’m feeling depressed and have put on lots of weight. Are there other options?
SUSAN SAYS
AYes! There are lots of different contraceptives – caps, coils, injections, different kinds of contraceptive pills. Your best bet is to consult a professional who’ll explain the pros and cons of each one. And given you might sleep with more than one potential partner, you’ll also need advice about protection against disease. Start by looking at nhs.uk/contraception, which outlines the options and who to talk to.
Our romance has fizzled out
Q We’ve been happily married for two decades, but since our kids left home, our relationship has become disappointing. My husband is a lovely man and I don’t want to leave him. But I do need things to change so that we’re not living separate lives and simply watching TV each night. How can I tell him what I’m feeling without hurting him?
SUSAN SAYS
A For years you’ve worked as a team bringing up your kids. But now they’re gone, you’ve not only lost your connection but also the skill of communicating. So here’s the basic secret. Don’t charge in with what you dislike. Instead, say what you want to happen. Gently and kindly make requests and your ‘lovely’ husband will respond. In short, you need to claim, not complain!
Should I invite him?
Q I know my mother had a brother, but neither she nor her sisters talked about him. There was a suggestion that he did awful things but they never expanded. Now our parents are dead, he’s the last of that generation and he’s been in touch. My sister invitedhim to a family celebration and, since I turn 65 in a few months’ time, I was going to do the same. However my granddaughter has said if he comes, she won’t – but she won’t say why.
SUZIE SAYS
A You need to help her say why. People can become outcasts in a
