Beth Cross, 32, vowed she wouldn’t be the biggest bridesmaid three times in a row
WORDS: FRANCES LEATE, MATT BARBOUR. PHOTOS: BETH ALDERSON PHOTOGRAPHY, GEMMA MACHELL, ANDREW BAINES PHOTOGRAPHY
Smoothing down my size-22 dark green bridesmaid dress, I smiled with all the fake confidence I could muster. A sea of faces looked back at me and, as I nervously clutched a piece of paper, I felt my face redden. It was April 2022 and I was about to give a speech at my best friend’s wedding, but I felt so self-conscious of my 5ft 5in, 16st frame.
I’d spent the morning of Sophie’s wedding reluctantly posing for photos with her other bridesmaids, trying desperately to lean sideways in the hope I wouldn’t look massive beside the slim women. I did my best to push feelings of self-hatred away and focus on Sophie’s day, but I was ashamed of how I looked and there was nowhere to hide.
I’d ballooned over the past few years as my partner Rob and I had gorged on takeaways and sugary treats while working from home during lockdown. As soon as we logged off every night at 6pm, we’d open a bottle of wine. That same summer, following a failed round of IVF, I was told I had a whole host of gynaecological problems that meant I was infertile. I’d never be a mum and I realise now that I was eating away my feelings.
Food had become my coping mechanism. But eating and drinking whatever I wanted had taken its toll on my body, and Sophie’s wedding photos confirmed what I already knew. Not only did I feel awful, I looked it too.
‘I’m in if you are,’ Rob said enthusiastically when I suggested going on a diet.
He’d put on at least a stone the past few years and was keen to slim down too. But soon we were ordering Chinese takeaways and popping to the shop for wine.
Before I knew it, it was October 2022 and instead of losing weight, I’d actually put on another half a stone – and it was time for me to be a bridesmaid all over again.
HIDING AWAY
Standing on a beach in Devon beside my childhood friend Zoe and her size-10 bridesmaids, I hated myself for not doing anything about my weight. My arms looked enormous in my cap-sleeved size-22 gown, and later I hid behind Rob whenever I saw the photographer, not wanting to expose myself any more than I had to. When Zoe’s wedding photos arrived I looked enormous, the odd one out next to her gorgeous, slim bridesmaids. ‘You look beautiful,’ Zoe reassured me, but I didn’t believe h
