Sarah Erlund, 34, has found love and happiness in an open relationship
Relaxing on my sofa, I opened a book and started reading. ‘Maybe you dream of maintaining several long-term and intimate relationships…’
It was early 2016, and at 27 I’d just ended a toxic relationship and had sworn off love.
To help me through the break-up, I’d made a big effort to make new friends where I lived in Portland, Oregon, USA, and I’d found that many of them were polyamorous, having open relationships and multiple partners. It wasn’t something I knew much about, and I’d always thought it was a bit strange, if I’m honest.
But then one of my new friends leant me a book, The Ethical Slut, and every page had me gripped. It was a practical guide to polyamory and open relationships, and other freedoms in sex and love. Through the pages, I learnt how monogamy wasn’t the only way to enjoy intimacy. And I had to admit, my new friends all seemed really happy – no one was jealous, controlling or worrying about relationship rules.
I felt empowered after finishing the book and it got me wondering about my own love life. ‘Why can’t I love more than one person?’ I thought.
So, in July 2017, I made a profile on a dating site, OKCupid. ‘Looking for a nesting partner, but also an open relationship,’ I typed nervously, not knowing what to expect.
That September, I matched with Damien, then 29. He was tall and athletic with a sexy dark beard. ‘You’re even better looking in person,’ I said, when we met at a bar a week later. We really hit it off and had so much in common. Like me Damien didn’t want kids and we loved the same video games and superhero films.
Damien was half British and had enjoyed a polyamorous lifestyle for more than a decade. Falling in love, we moved in together in February 2018. I knew Damien hadn’t stopped dating and sleeping with other women and I was fine with it. After all, I’d wanted an open relationship and I was seeing other men and women, too.
At first things went well but before long doubts crept in. ‘I fancy going to the science museum,’ I told Damien one day.
‘Great idea,’ he said. ‘I’ll take you soon.’
But weeks later he still hadn’t and I discovered he’d actually taken one of his other dates instead. Jealousy hit me.
‘You promised to take me,’ I said, upset.
Maybe polyamory wasn’t for me after all. I’d worried about how jealousy would affect me and now here it was, setting in.
But he was really apologetic. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t think.’
SURPRISE PROPOSAL
Not long after, he
