The Woman’s Owncolumnist has her say on divorce, chocolate and baby perfume
DAWN NEESOM
If Nicky Haslam’s guide is anything to go by, we’re all common!
True story. The first time my mum heard my future husband speak she uttered the immortal phrase, ‘Ooh, don’t he talk nice?’ Like I’d brought home one of the landed gentry who owned most of Buckinghamshire rather than a bloke from a council estate in, er, Margate. He didn’t talk ‘posh’. He just spoke slightly different to my lovely, cockney mum. And of course, the perception of an east London accent sounding ‘common’ echoes to this day. A combination of Dick Van Dyke meets the Krays with a heavy dose of Danny Dyer.
You probably have the same kind of assumption made about your accent whether it’s Scouse, Geordie, Manc, Glaswegian or Brummie. We all judge folk on how they talk, whether we like it or not.
So with much curiosity, I started reading genuine posh boy and socialite Nicky Haslam’s guide to what marks you out as ‘common’ these days. Now, Etoneducated interior designer Nicky, 84, is mates with Queen Camilla so, in theory, he knows ‘wot he’s talking about, guv’.
Though he might be on a swift trip to the Tower of London for including William and Kate and their matchy matchy family outfits. Très naff evidently.
What do you reckon though? Nicky’s so convinced he’s right he’s had his 37 playfully snobbish things he sees as lower class printed on a £40 tea towel.
In at number one is using the word ‘more-ish’. Er, no me neither. Travelling to see the Northern Lights is second on the list followed by listening to your own podcast. Both of which, I would have thought, marked you out as distinctly middle class. Unless the Northern Lights venture as south as Norfolk (as they have this year) you need to earn a King’s ransom to go see them.
And if you agree with the above ‘110%’ you’re as common as muck according to our Nicky. Right…
Strawberries in your fridge? You should be in EastEnders! Visiting Puglia in Italy, eating Italian food or drinking Aperol? Dahling, you make Del Boy look classy!
So far, I figure I’m not doing too badly, you? Aah, but hold on. Also on Nicky’s tongue-in-cheek common list is taking part in a Zoom meeting (er, hello, did he not hear about the pandemic?). Meanwhile, my ‘posh’ husband is doomed because he’s a huge fan of telly’s The Repair Shop and a music fan. Both no-nos. As is having Type 2 diabetes and I ha
