After a string of unlucky encounters on the dating scene, Kate Mulvey, 60, decided that it was time to seek professional help
*NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED. WORDS: KATE MULVEY
It’s spring and for many that means peak dating season. Whether it’s a hand to hold as the temperatures begin to climb or someone to cuddle up to and watch romance movies, come this time of year many of us are looking for our significant other. I know this because on the eve of my 50th birthday, 10 years ago, after a nasty breakup with my then fiancé, I dipped my toe into the shark-infested dating waters and logged online to find love.
Dating in midlife is very different to when we were younger. Most midlife daters are flailing around in a fog of confusion and uncertainty. It should come with a government health warning. The good news is, with a few tweaks and the help of a dating coach, Dilara Tetik, I’ve learnt to shake off my emotional baggage to help me find love again. I sit down with Dilara and tell her all about my dating disasters over the past decade. She gives me her honest advice and tells me where I’ve been going wrong…
Bad behaviour
In March last year I was on a date at a fancy restaurant when a group of pretty young women sat down at the table next to us. If I’d told him I’d won the lottery and stripped naked there and then, it wouldn’t have made a jot of difference. From the moment they unfurled their tanned limbs, my date was mesmerised — and not by me. I tried to ignore it, but the more he gawped (he even tried to strike up conversation), the more unattractive I felt.
DILARA SAYS: Kate should have stood up for herself - thanked him for inviting her on a date, told him they weren’t a match and walked away. By leaving she would be saying she’s worthy of respect and proper treatment. Reclaiming your self-respect is empowering and very attractive.
Trying too hard
As I chatted to the man opposite me while on a date a year ago, I was terrified he wouldn’t like me, so I dialled up the effort. I ranted about my ex, told jokes and manically flicked my hair as I flirted with the waiter. Later my date thanked me for my company, but said we weren’t a match. I thought I was flirty and fun, but I’d come across as shrill and overbearing.
DILARA SAYS: First impressions count and how we behave sends a message about who we are. Talking about your ex and flirting with the restaurant staff says you’re not really in
