Overwhelmed about getting back between the sheets? Here’s how to make it oh, oh, oh so good
WORDS: SAMANTHA WOOD.
Divorced or out of your long relationship and want to start dating again? Sex can feel daunting this time around, especially as our bodies, stamina and libido often aren’t what they used to be. From navigating whether you still need contraception to dealing with vaginal dryness and dodgy joints, our experts give you the low-down on how to bring sexy back.
BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE
Middle-aged spread can dampen self-esteem, so finding ways to accept your changing body is crucial. ‘The critical voice that focuses on your ageing or sagging bits isn’t your friend,’ says menopause coach Claire Snowdon-Darling, founder of Balanced Wellness. ‘It takes discipline, but every time a negative thought creeps in, take a second to reframe it with a positive one about yourself. Over time, you’ll find an appreciation of your fabulous body!’
PROCEED AT YOUR OWN PACE
The prospect of entering the world of sex once again can be hugely exciting, but it can also feel extremely nerve-racking. Remember, there’s no rush, says relationship expert Dr Tara (luvbites.co). ‘Watch free, guided sexual meditations on YouTube, which can help to build sexual self-esteem and confidence. By doing this, you’re rebuilding confidence not just in the bedroom, but also in how you present yourself on dates and in daily life.’
BE OPEN
You’re not defined by who you were during your past relationships, so now is the ideal time to seek out what makes you tick – whether that’s wild sex or simply kissing on the sofa. ‘You have to be completely honest, so make sure you’re being intimate with someone you can actually talk about sex with,’ says sex therapist Lyndsey Murray (sexpositivityunfiltered.com). Find a time and place when you won’t be rushed. ‘In-depth sexual conversations can not only be sexy, but exploratory, and give you a feel for how compatible they are to you and what you want from this next chapter.’
GET CREATIVE
Midlife is a great time to start getting more creative with our sex lives, as the kids may have left home or be out more, meaning you can experiment with sex at different times and in different ways. Life is short, so if you’ve always wanted to try toys
