The sex diaries
With the exception of the odd loose-lipped conversation with friends, the frequency, pleasure and logistics that represent our intimate lives remains behind closed doors. But there’s more to be gained from opening up than satisfying our collective curiosity. From enjoying a pleasurable sex life with a chronic pain condition to trying to conceive, five women share the most intimate details of the most personal part of their lives in the name of transparency
Rebecca, 46, a wellbeing coach, hypnotherapist and author from Nottingham, has a four-year-old daughter and has been single for six years. A year ago, she started experiencing perimenopause symptoms, including migraines, hot flushes and extreme tiredness. She has recently started hormone replacement therapy (HRT).
Week 1: Wednesday, 3pm
This morning, I’m called upon to give my expertise on sex and intimacy to the media, which I really enjoy doing. I often write about sex toys for work, too. Today, as soon as my mind goes there, I head to my bedroom – which is a real perk of working from home and being my own boss. Then, I take out my laptop, start to load up my go-to lesbian porn site and reach for my Doxy wand massager.
When my perimenopausal symptoms first started, I didn’t have an ounce of energy and I felt so negative. As for my approach to pleasure, the idea of having more than one orgasm seemed like too much effort. But after hearing Davina McCall talking about hormone replacement therapy, I decided to give it a go. Everything changed almost overnight. I got my focus back and, with it, my desire. In fact, since I started taking HRT six months ago, I’ve been masturbating more than ever. But I’ve also found myself staying in a state of high arousal for longer, which makes for long, pleasurable solo sessions. Today, soon after finishing, I decide to go again before I have to go back to work. I don’t know what the menopause is going to bring, but for the moment, I’m just focusing on the here and now.
Week 2: Saturday, 12am
During the lockdowns, I promised myself that when it was all over, I’d visit a fetish or sex club – something I’ve always wanted to do. Today, I made good on that promise. I’m in London and on my way to Klub Verboten – an LGBTQ+ fetish club. I’m not interested in one-night stands these days; I want a connection with someone. So I love the idea of dressing up (or down – as there’s a strict dress code, I’m topless apart from nipple pasties), meeting like-minded people and then having sex if it feels right.
As soon as I enter, I’m greeted by a wall of smoke and very loud techno – not exactly the plush experience I’d imagined, but I try to make the most of it. Before long, I get chatting to a lovely co
