Age defying
An exploration – and slightly sceptical examination – into what we’ve been told about ageing. Spoiler: the truth is better than the fiction
Among the many congratulations and well wishes I received upon turning 40 last summer came this stark declaration from my dad: ‘It’s all downhill from here.’
The message was undeniably rubbish (why don’t you snuff out my birthday candles while you’re at it?), but it’s not like we haven’t heard some version of it before. Forty has long been the bogeyman of birthdays – arubicon that, once crossed, spells grey hair, wrinkles and the end of youthful vitality as we know it.
In reality, women’s concerns as they enter their forties, fifties and beyond are more nuanced. Sure, there’s the prospect of growing older and the existential biggie of mortality, but there’s also a host of practical issues many of us face – be it divorce, caring for an elderly parent or raising a child. The convergence of stressors can lead to depression, anxiety and general unease.
Sounds like a midlife crisis, right? Well, Canadian psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques coined the term in 1965 for the period of discontent that he said occurs between the ages of 35 and 65. But, his theory was inspired by the ‘great men’, who experienced a change in their creativity in their mid-to-late thirties. As for women, he wrote that this transition is obscured by changes related to menopause – giving rather short shrift to our complex internal lives and giving us a reason to ditch the concept altogether.
Research estimates that only about 10% to 20% of all people experience any sort of midlife crisis. Those who feel off at this time are often triggered by dissatisfaction at not achieving what they wanted. ‘Many women feel lied to,’ says clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael. ‘The lie is that you can have it all, without compromising.’ But life is a moving target. The goals you set at 25 probably aren’t the goals you have at 50. So, reflect and reassess. What do you want? Most opportunities don’t expire at midlife. If we reframe ageing into an opportunity rather than a reckoning of past shortcomings, there’s no limit to what we can achieve. Get started with science-heavy strategies and motivating stories…
Embrace any transition
How you fare in midlife can be affected by the mindset with which you approach it. Treat this milestone like any other transition (think: landing your first job or graduating from uni) suggests Ann Kearney-Cooke, a psychologist specialising in women’s issues. ‘There
