How about a glass? Or a car? It might, according to research. But they aren’t the only activities that can help you sit with your feelings. Pull up a pew while we hear from those in the business of processing emotions in a healthy way
When Heaven Marley went through her first big break-up last year, she wasn’t sure how to process it. ‘I’m the kind of person who bottles up my feelings and just acts [ like I’m] okay,’ the beauty inf luencer tells WH. ‘I didn’t have any closure.’ When her best friend noticed that she was struggling, she had an idea. The two women visited an ‘aggression arena’; also known as a ‘rage room’, it’s a space filled with objects that you’re allowed to break – for a fee. In the one Heaven visited, some rooms were filled with dishes, while another included a car you could destroy. She started breaking glasses, before warming to her theme in the car room. ‘I felt so much lighter,’ she says.
And while we’re not advocating the destruction of the nearest vehicle to net a satisfying emotional release, the time Heaven spent smashing objects did help her sit with her feelings, which, according to mental wellbeing professionals, is a vital step on the journey to processing them.
An understanding of ‘why’ begins with an awareness of negative emotions – and the situations that cause them. While they aren’t all the same, they’re there for a reason: to tell us something – and it’s up to us to listen. When negative emotions hit, you can usually tell where they come from, whether it’s as astronomical as a break-up or as minute as someone cutting you up in traffic. And while it may feel easier to sweep them under the rug than to recognise they’re there, suppressing your emotions can make you more prone to stress, says Emily Willroth, an assistant professor of psychological and brain sciences at Washington University in the US. Bottling them up, she explains, leads to increased activation of the sympathetic nervous system, which is the body’s response to danger.
Instead, ‘it’s helpful to think about all emotions, good or bad, as serving a purpose’, she says. The not-so-great feelings can tip you off to something going on, not only involving yourself, but your relationships with others. This contributes to a process known as ‘avoidant learning ’, adds Andy Thomson, a psychiatrist at the University of Virginia – or learning what kinds of situations to steer clear of in the future. It all adds up to a strong case for really feeling your emotions – and being guided by them. If you tend to brush everything off with a quick ‘I’m fine’, read on for experts’ opinions on how to do just this.
WHEN YOU’RE…
Anger almost always involves asituation of ‘should��
